My Dominant Houseplant

Dear Plant Whisperer,

My dominant houseplant does not listen.

It was a good little sprout, but now that it is big, we are having problems.

It started with refusing to stand up straight. I told it firmly, "No, " but it ignored me. When I laid it on its side, it wet the carpet. So, I put it outside, to show it that inside is my territory. It deliberately developed brown spots, just to spite me.

I tried walking it more, but I have to carry it or it lags defiantly behind me. When I put the choke collar very high for more control, it dropped a leaf, marking its territory, I presume.

Should I get a pine tree or a poison ivy to de-throne this alpha plant?

Sincerely yours,

I. B. Dumas

The idea that "dominance" is responsible for EVERY behavior problem is absurd. Of course, it's equally absurd to claim that there is NO pack hierarchy, or NO social dynamics affecting dogs' behavior!