Addressing emotional arousal: Encouraging Calm

Many people mistakenly believe that dogs are quite different from we are in emotional responses.  That some magic exists that will instantly snap a dog into calmness.  Imagine the last time you were stressed out, angry, frustrated, terrified...  Now imagine that someone insists you stop this instant.  Do you think it will work?  When you encounter your family and friends who are feeling stressed, angry, frustrated, or terrified -- do you react by insisting they stop?  And if you do, how well does that work?

The emotional state that produces calm behavior cannot be forcibly elicited.  You can force a sit, you can force a down, you can force a dog to stand in one spot, you can force a dog to lay on her side, but you cannot insist or pressure your dog into not feeling pressure.  (See why not?)

So how do we deal with emotionally aroused dogs? 
One way is to reduce the brain's exposure to arousal chemicals by minimizing arousal everywhere you can.  Almost everyone reading this has already heard that advice!  "Yes!" they says, "That sounds like a perfect plan."  What does that look like?  Few people are quite sure.

Steering a sequence of potentially exciting events
Your dog's emotional state is affected on a second-by-second basis by any sequence of events.  Most dogs see a cue like you reaching for your coat & looking for your shoes, or reaching for the food bag, and immediately there is both an emotional and behavioral response.  (There is a lot of argument over which produces the other, behavior and emotion.  I suspect the answer is that it varies.) 

The emotional response is a kind of arousal.  "Excitement."  As the chain of events unfolds, second-by-second, the arousal level spikes.  "It's coming... it's coming closer... it's coming CLOSER...!" The "it" can be the walk, the dinner, the scary dog next door.

To stop the escalation, stop whatever is coming closer.  Physically freeze yourself, and freeze the sequence of events to whatever extent you can when dog becomes even mildly excited.  "It's coming... it's coming closer...  Oh. Hold on a second, what's going on?  It's NOT coming closer?" If freezing and waiting isn't enough for the dog to realize that things have stopped, super-slowly reverse the normal series of events.  Rewind until you see the excitement diminish.  Then begin moving forward with your activity.  See excitement again?  Back to rewind.  More calm?  Move forward.  This "cha-cha-cha" can be very communicative, as long as your dog is interested in what you are doing, and emotionally able to pay attention to you.

Actions speak louder than words, so there is absolutely no need to say anything at all to your dog during this process.  (This is the original meaning of "whispering".)

If the arousal level has already spiked beyond where the dog even recognizes there is a sequence of events, where the dog's brain is screaming "FOOD!"  "WALKIES!" "BITCH IN HEAT!" "INTRUDER" -- the dog doesn't even know he has legs or a person or that any other objects even exist -- don't waste your time slowly rewinding.  The dog is gone.  Just make a clear end to the activity.  Put away the leash.  Put the food bowl on top of the fridge.  Hand a Coke through the door and ask your guests to keep waiting outside. If she won't turn and correct you (extremely aroused dog with low bite inhibition?  she might -- use a muzzle next time), grab the dog's collar and, instead of holding her back, go somewhere with her.  Steer her out of visual contact with the exciting things, into another room, or her crate.

Whatever was GOING to happen is now simply NOT happening.  That exciting thing that was going to happen will now NEVER happen.  You had one chance to get it right and you blew it.  Even though, in another half of forever (you know, 5 minutes), the dog will get another chance, if the chance is still there.

Making the call
One of the most difficult skills to develop is making the call between just ending things, and making it a teachable moment.  There is a time and place for both, but it isn't as clearly defined as "hackles up" = just end it, and "no hackles" = work through it with rewind and fast forward. 


To further complicate the situation, this decision has other options.  The "cha-cha-cha" and "that's it - all gone" aren't the only two options available to deal with emotionally charged situations, but if you are presently overwhelmed, this is a good place to start.


What are the exciting sequences of events in your dog's life?